Every once in a while, an event comes along that you just have to make it to. One of those events you will be telling tales to your bros about for years to come. Well, folks, this year that was Escape to Hazzard County 2. For me this was the event of the year and I was not going to miss it for anything. The stories from last year had me dreaming of making it to what would later be dubbed “Camp Curly Wolf."
Escape to Hazzard County is the demented brainchild of Allen, aka "Lady Hump" and Mike, aka "Gasser Lounge," as a way to bring us hillbilly chopper folk together in true blue redneck fashion. All funds from ticket purchases were funneled right back into the party. As you may have heard, this year’s Escape was bigger and much louder. With 500 campsters, 3 bands, a cock fight, FREE BEER, food, and tons of rad raffle prizes…it was a massive success.
Saturday morning brought me to Gasser Lounge for a good ol’ fashion meet and creep among the south bay hillbillies. After meeting a few new friends and some fellow Chop Cult loonies we were off to Hazzard County. I tell you, the ride up was almost as much fun as the party…well, maybe not. Nothing beats hitting the highway, over 20 strong, side by side with some of the coolest bikes around. With gas being my mistress, the second I saw a rider point to his tank and head to an exit I followed suit. After riding around for 20 minutes sweating how many miles we had left in our tanks, we finally found a gas station. Surprise, surprise, my fellow gas junkie was the infamous Naked Rob. Rob and I gave up at the prospect of catching up with the group at this point and headed out on our own. Not too long down the highway, we find a disturbance that had two motorcycle cops blocking traffic off (never figured out what that disturbance was). As we soaked up the rays and grabbed a smoke, we hear a rumble in the distance. What could that be? Yes it is. It is the ever so handsome Branden "CRFyou" Wildvank leading the charge. Once the officers were finished admiring Branden’s panhead we were finally able to move along.
Our final stop before Hazzard was at The Nugget in Summerland for a quick drink and grub. After swapping a few lies and trading some Hipstagram handles we were off again. No more stops…we are Hazzard Bound!
After the line for registration to get into Hazzard County, which could best be described as the herding of cats, we were here. We have arrived. Hazzard County will be my home for the next 24 hours…assuming I survive that long. I instantly felt like everything that has been stressing me out the weeks prior was all gone. Time to party! The first thing you see when you arrive is the giant Hazzard County bus and stage staring you right in the eye, almost a sign that tonight is going be out of control. If that is not enough, look to your right, and you are greeted by a giant BEER sign and hay bale bar. As everyone scrambled to set up camp, I just threw my tent to the ground and was off to check things out. I ran into so many rad people; every one of them stoked to be at Hazzard County.
The days’ events started off with the Hillbilly Games. If you have never seen grown men race while carrying bales of hay, I will tell you. It is a sight to see. While trying to grab some lunch I ran into Steffan of Zombie Performance who had some bars for the bike. Some people ask, what makes a chopper camping trip a chopper camping trip? If you find a group of guys drinking beers watching another guy swapping out bars while running out of light, you may be at one. Unfortunately, as we were finishing up, I got word that we had missed the cock fight…that’s right. I heard that was a battle to the end and went down in true Hazzard County form. The rest of the night just continued with more fun. The Curly Wolf played an amazing set. Shortly after was the contest for this year’s Miss Hazzard County. Congratulations to this year’s new reigning champion! Ending the night with a big bang, was, Fart Barf. Now I have wanted to witness the experience that is Fart Barf for a while now. Not only was I not disappointed but I guess you could say my mind was blown. Not long after, I was done for, and was just another body in the dirt. Hazzard did me in.
The next morning I woke to the sound of bikes already on their way out. The party of the year had left its mark. After packing our bikes for the ride home, we grabbed some breakfast and much needed coffee. I was able to say goodbye to friends new and old. The great thing about these events and this community is the people you meet and the friendships that come out of them. I have never had the pleasure of being a part of something so unique. One by one, all the hillbillies rode off back to normal life, with what is sure to be a great experience to share with others.
To wrap all this up, all I have to say is: Allen and Mike, thank you two so much for putting this event together and putting up with all of us and our never ending questions. I cannot even imagine the amount of work that went in to giving us one heck of a good time. This was unlike anything I have ever been a part of and you can count on me being at the Escape to Hazzard County 3. Also a big thanks to all the sponsors that helped out and donated some pretty killer raffled prizes and swag!
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For information on the next Escape To Hazzard County, please go to www.escapetohazzardcounty.com
To purchase the 2014 Escape To Hazzard County 2 calendar, please go here